It’s easy.
In honor of National Watermelon Day (Aug. 3), my son would like to show you how to eat a mini watermelon by yourself.
Cut the watermelon in half with a big, honkin’ knife. Or get your mom to do that for you.
[1]Grab the melon baller out of the kitchen utensil junk drawer. You might have to paw around awhile to find it. Don’t worry about making a bigger mess in the drawer because no one will ever know.
[2]Make funny faces to scare away anyone related to you who thinks they are getting the other half of your watermelon. Not in this lifetime, sistah!
[3]Periodically, use a straw to suck up the accumulated juice.
[4]Repeat with the other half! Later, keep a straight face when the rest of the family wonders where that watermelon went. Ignore recriminations about who ate all the watermelon and didn’t share. Banishment is a small price to pay for the pleasure of your own watermelon.